But I digress. Valentine’s Day is great, if you like flowers, the color pink, and made-for-TV movies starring Heather Locklear. Personally, I’m not that into flowers or Heather Locklear, I hate pink, and I can’t stand those stupid heart-shaped chalk candies with unintelligible Magic 8 Ball phrases like “MAY-B HIM” and “U BLU IT.” My weekend plans involve eating chocolate chip cookie dough and watching ‘The Notebook’ while yelling belligerently at the screen. (Dammit, Rachel McAdams, he DID write to you! Your heartless wretch of a mother hid the letters from you!) I call this “active viewing.”
To clarify, this should in no way be construed as wallowing. I refuse to fall victim to the epidemic of cynicism that so often engulfs single people around this time of year. The bitter and depressed single person (read: female, because you never see guys moping around complaining about how they don’t have someone to buy flowers and jewelry for. What’s that about? Spread the wealth, Cupid) alone on Valentine’s Day is so cliché. (Blah blah, consumerist holiday made up by Hallmark and chocolate companies, blah blah, anger, blah.) I choose instead to be ambivalent towards its existence and take advantage of the post-holiday chocolate sales. And I’d be lying if I said I didn’t occasionally appreciate the romantic movie marathons on Lifetime. (Except ‘Pretty Woman.’ I am oddly averse to that particular Valentine’s Day staple. I think it has something to do with when Richard Gere snaps the jewelry box on her fingers and she gets all giggly. If that were me, I’d be like, “excuse me, can we not bruise any of my digits in this exchange? ‘K thanks.”)
So whether you’re single, married, or in a long-distance relationship with your incarcerated pen-pal, happy Valentine’s Day.