That being said, I suppose I can understand why some people might feel the desire not to spend several hours wearing soaking wet clothes, but I still think the best use of an umbrella is as a magic wand, a la Hagrid in 'Harry Potter.'
I don't believe in umbrellas. When I tell people this, they generally assume I'm joking or crazy (or some combination of the two), but I stand by my principles. Umbrellas are ridiculous and unnecessary, like soup spoons or gallbladders. Why do you need a patterned piece of fabric spread over metal spikes to protect you from the rain? A little water never hurt anybody. With the possible exception of the Wicked Witch of the West, and maybe Leonardo DiCaprio in 'Titanic.' But they both involved extenuating circumstances. (There are different rules when you're dealing with the Occult or icebergs.) The bottom line is, so what if you get wet? Isn't the human body close to 60% water anyway? Umbrellas are more trouble than they're worth. Sure, they may be convenient for you umbrella-wielders, but for everyone else trying to share the narrow sidewalk with you, they make walking to class seem like something out of a 'Survivor' challenge. You and your Vera Bradley umbrella are walking along, without a care, completely dry, (probably texting or fiddling with your iPod and not paying attention to other pedestrians) while those of us without umbrellas are forced to dodge, duck, dip, dive, and dodge your pointy metal parasols of death. (This just in: Umbrella spikes are at exactly eye level. I think I speak for everyone when I say, two fully-functional eyes are better than one.) And let's be honest, one person does not need a four-foot-wide umbrella. (Unless, of course, you're Mary Poppins and you're using it to fly.) The goal of an umbrella is to protect one person from the rain, not to house a small Nicaraguan family. Come on, people.
That being said, I suppose I can understand why some people might feel the desire not to spend several hours wearing soaking wet clothes, but I still think the best use of an umbrella is as a magic wand, a la Hagrid in 'Harry Potter.' |