*WARNING* SPOILERS AHOY! Seriously, don't keep reading if you aren't caught up on the most recent week of television.
Best Karaoke Performance of the Week: House, Chase, and Foreman on House - Watching this unlikely trio sing "Midnight Train to Georgia" was one of my favorite moments of this show to date. Who knew that, in addition to being ridiculously attractive and having an adorable accent, Chase can actually sing! Sometimes life just isn't fair for the rest of us.
WTF Guest Appearance of the Week: Buzz Aldrin on 30 Rock - Frankly, I was a little disappointed by the former astronaut's appearance on 30 Rock as Liz's mother's coulda-been husband. I guess the yelling-at-the-moon bit was mildly amusing, but I would much rather they have poked fun at his recent stint on Dancing With the Stars.
Best Fake Mustaches: Travis, Bobby, and Andy on Cougar Town - It's the pure randomness of this show that delights me so much. As long as these guys keep pulling shenanigans like this (and adding new rules to Penny Can), I'll keep watching.
Most Mind-Blowing, Bawl-Inducing Episode Possibly in the History of Television (Excluding Joss Whedon Shows): "The Candidate," Lost - Now that was an intense hour of television. This week's episode included three significant and heart-wrenching deaths, and as much as it killed me (no pun intended...really) to see some beloved characters bite the dust, their deaths could not have been more fitting or more poignant. Not to mention the Sideways World Jack/Locke story was pure brilliance, painting them both as broken men trying to let go of the past.
Most Awesome Rendition of "Total Eclipse of the Heart" Possibly in the History of Music: The cast of Glee - When you take a song as over-the-top as "Total Eclipse of the Heart" and put it in a show like Glee, that really knows how to make fun of its own over-the-top-ness, there's no accounting for the explosion of awesomeness that will result. "Turn around briiiiight eyyyyyyes!"
Best Swipe at Glee: Jeff Winger on Community - This week's hilarious episode of Community parodied every dystopian, battle-for-earth action movie made in the last thirty years. The study group's biggest rivals in the apocalyptic paintball war were their community college's Glee Club. As the enemies were singing "Hit Me With Your Best Shot," Jeff shouted at them, "Write some original songs!" These clever shots at other shows are one of the reasons Community is starting to remind me more of 30 Rock every week.
Most Veronica Mars Alumni Guest Starring in One Episode: Castle - Oh, how I've missed seeing Max Greenfield (Leo) and Julie Gonzalo (Parker) on my television since the unjust demise of Veronica Mars... Featuring two VM alum is enough to make any episode of any show more than great (except maybe Two and a Half Men- there's no saving that train wreck), but throw in Rocco DiSpirito, molecular gastronomy, and a hidden engagement ring, and you've got yourself a top-notch episode.
Best Non-Veronica Mars Guest Stars: Swoosie Kurtz and Fred Willard on Chuck - If Fred Willard keeps up this guest star streak (last week he was on Modern Family), I really don't think I'll ever get tired of him. Paired with the perfectly prickly Swoosie Kurtz (you might know her from Pushing Daisies or Lost), the two played a jaded CIA spy couple who give Chuck and Sarah a sobering glimpse of what their future could be.
Best Chuck Norris Impression: Frank Lapidus, Lost - Sawyer said it best last week when he said Lapidus "looks like he stepped off the set of a Burt Reynolds movie," and this week's episode only further enforced that impression of the scruffy pilot. While the castaways were trapped in the Hydra cages during the Smoke Monster attack, Lapidus took the proactive approach and began trying to kick open the door of his cage. Then Jack ruined all the fun by showing up and opening the cage door with the guard's key. Lame.
Best Immunity Idol Ruse: Rupert on Survivor - As much as it kills me to say it, Rupert has really been annoying me this season, but this week he's starting to win back the lovability he once owned back in his original season (in which he was voted Fan Favorite). When he realized he was on the chopping block (because he was bold enough to try to reveal Russell's truly evil nature), he used his resources (namely, a rock) and his brain (a tool that has been underutilized by many Survivors lately) and came up with a plan. Creating a suspicious bulge in his pocket with the rock, he made it appear as if he had found the hidden immunity idol, thus leading Russell the Troll-Man to split the Villains' votes, saving Rupert from the wrath of Russell.
Role-Reversal of the Week: Sawyer and Jack on Lost - This Freaky Friday moment has been at least a season and a half in the making, but this week's episode left Sawyer in exactly the same position Jack was in at the end of season five. His lack of faith and his determination to be the hero led him to make a bad decision that got other people killed. The good news? New Zen Jack is three for three this season in terms of his loony, death-cheating "plans." (Calling Dogen's poison-pill bluff, his little dynamite standoff with Richard Alpert, and now it looks like he was right to think that the bomb wouldn't have gone off without Sawyer's attempt to disarm it.) The moral of the story? Jack is back.
Best Spin Class Instructor: Dwight on The Office - Dwight was in peak form this week, tailing Michael's new girlfriend at the gym and attempting to seduce her to test her loyalty (naturally). In the last scene, Dwight is taking a spin class, or, more accurately, taking over a spin class. As the instructor directs them to cool down as they approach a gentle hill, Dwight shouts, "No! The hill is a trap! Let's take the dirt road off to the side!" Did Dwight miss his calling as a spin class instructor?
Best Fake Church Name: Our Lady of Reluctant Immigration, 30 Rock - It makes total sense that Jack's hardass Irish-American mother would play Bingo at a church with such a ridiculously xenophobic name, and it really does roll right off the tongue.
How I Met Your Mother Reference of the Week: Damon on The Vampire Diaries - Almost as good as Andy's mention of the CBS sitcom on The Office a few weeks ago was Damon's passing comment on how Stefan (who is very in tune with his humanity, unlike most vampires) "wants to feel every episode of How I Met Your Mother." Way to be relevant, HIMYM!
Best Torso: It's a tie between Jeff (Joel McHale) on Community and Damon (Ian Somerhalder) on The Vampire Diaries - Is it just me, or does the amount of semi-nudity on TV go up during May sweeps? I guess it makes sense. You know what they say: April plot devices bring May hook-ups.