But enough bad news, let's discuss the good news, namely the winning shows of the week...
It was another week of great TV, darkened only by the news of what we'd all feared: ABC will be premiering their new reality competition Skating With The Stars this November, allowing them to continue wasting three hours of air time a week on has-beens and celebutantes making fools of themselves to music, even after this season of Dancing With The Stars has ended (God willing). If this premise sounds familiar to you, it's probably because it's nearly identical to Fox's Skating With Celebrities which only aired for one season in 2006. But by all means, please try it again, ABC.
But enough bad news, let's discuss the good news, namely the winning shows of the week...
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Another exciting week of television has come and gone, and it seems that the new shows are starting to distinguish themselves as either "keepers" or "soon-to-be-canceled." The first new show to get a full season pickup, I'm happy to say, was Fox's comedy Raising Hope. The outlook isn't as good for some other new shows (Chase, The Whole Truth, and Running Wilde, for instance), but more on that later. Let's start from the beginning...
First of all, let's have a moment of silence for a fallen TV gem: Lone Star, Fox's critical darling slash ratings vacuum, was canceled this week after airing only two episodes. Meanwhile, Outsourced and three Chuck Lorre sitcoms are still at large. Is there no justice? Let's not dwell on the negative, though. There were plenty of entertaining moments in television this week...
Since I read this article announcing that the episode of Glee airing after the Super Bowl will feature music by either Michael Jackson or Bruce Springsteen, I haven't been able to stop fantasizing about a Boss-themed episode. (After all, he is the greatest rocker who ever lived.) So I've done Glee showrunner Ryan Murphy a favor and created the perfect Springsteen set list for Glee. Now all he has to do is get the rights to the songs and figure out some choreography.
"Born To Run" - We know the cast can deliver on this song from the Emmys opening (which was phenomenal), so how hard would it be to refashion it as the opening number for the Springsteen episode? "No Surrender" - Since we kind of already got to see "Born To Run" at the Emmys, "No Surrender" would make a great alternative opener. The first line of the song, after all, is "We busted out of class, had to get away from those fools." Plus, "these drums and these guitars" are the instruments of choice for leading men Finn and Puck. If they ever make up, this would be a great duet for them. "Dancing in the Dark" - You can't not include this song in a Springsteen ep. It would make for a great ensemble dance number, or, with lyrics like, "Wanna change my clothes, my hair, my face," it might make an interesting makeover montage, should they be so inclined. "Hungry Heart" - Artie would kill it. And since Tina left him for Mike Chang's abs, he has reason to lament his hungry heart. "Glory Days" - What better way for Mr. Schue to reminisce about his own glory days when he was the star of his high school glee club? I can't take credit for this epiphany, however. It was the esteemed Michael Ausiello who suggested it. "Secret Garden" - This slow anthem from Jerry Maguire has Lea Michelle written all over it. "Thunder Road" - Once you picture Puck with a guitar belting out the song's famous line, "It's a town full of losers, I'm pulling outta here to wiiiiiiiin!" it's kind of hard to stop imagining it. Puck has always said he has higher ambitions than becoming another Lima loser. "Jungleland" - The epicness of this song paired with the emotional turmoil of our beloved Glee cast would make a climactic finale to the episode. What did we learn on TV this week? Well, we learned some valuable life advice from Raising Hope: Don't piss off the guys who's not afraid to pick dead birds out of the pool. On How I Met Your Mother, we learned that the concept of "dibs" was invented by Sir Walter Dibs. This week's Bones taught us that, a) Brennan is the person you want by your side when you come upon a group of armed guerillas (who knew she could wield a shovel like that?), and b) fleas have faster reflexes than any jungle cat. Chuck taught us, "don't mess with a repo man." From Parenthood, we got a lesson on playdate etiquette and the surprising complexities of kindergarten politics. And even though we kind of already knew this, The Vampire Diaries reinforced the law of supernature (is that the noun form of supernatural?) that where there are vampires, there must also be werewolves. All in all it was a very educational week of television. Here's a brief (not really) overview of everything I have deemed worthy of your time (be warned, my standards are not tremendously high).
Last night, approximately 13.5 million people tuned in for the 62nd Primetime Emmy Awards. To the other 289.5 million people in the country, what could you possibly have been doing that was more important than watching the Emmys? I hope for your sake you TiVoed it.
Without question, the greatest moment of the show was the first seven minutes. The opening sketch (which can be seen here) features Jimmy Fallon (the host), the cast of Glee, and an exciting assortment of other TV stars (and Kate Gosselin) doing a hilarious, Glee-inspired rendition of one of my all-time favorite songs, "Born To Run," by the legendary Bruce Springsteen. It starts out with Jimmy Fallon and the Glee kids, who then recruit Tina Fey (my idol) before finding Jon Hamm dirty dancing with Betty White in a dressing room. (By the way, between his stripper dance moves and his Emmy-nominated stint on 30 Rock, I'm starting to think Jon Hamm might be the funniest dramatic actor on TV.) Once they start singing, familiar faces start popping up everywhere, including Jorge Garcia (Lost), and Joel McHale (star of the hilarious-but-underappreciated Community), all giving their best impressions of the Boss. The best part has to be Tim Gunn, who (literally) rips off Fallon's shirt and stuffs a red baseball cap in his back pocket, imitating Springsteen's famous Born in the U.S.A. album cover. Once they storm the stage, clad in matching Glee costumes (except for Fallon, still in full Bruce garb), Randy Jackson joins Fallon center stage, Tina Fey and Jon Hamm dance like they're extras in Grease, and finally Glee's Amber Riley belts out the last note. And THAT is how you open an awards show. Of course, I might be saying that because they happened to choose an intro that included several of my favorite things on this earth. Let's recap: Glee + Tina Fey + Betty White + Lost + Joel McHale + mockery of Kate Gosselin + Tim Gunn + a Bruce Springsteen song = one of the greatest moments of television I have ever witnessed. Aaaand the night just went downhill from there. Not in a disappointing way, but in a how-can-you-possibly-top-that? kind of way. Although, some would argue that George Clooney's Modern Family skit (watch it here) was even better. But I'm running out of space, and you're running out of attention span, so let's get to it. Here are the night's highs and lows... HIGH: Eric Stonestreet wins Outstanding Supporting Actor for a Comedy Series for his role on Modern Family. And he begins his acceptance speech by saying, "All I wanted to be was a clown in the circus." And, on a related note... HIGH: Jon Cryer does NOT win Outstanding Supporting Actor for a Comedy Series for his role on Two and a Half Men. I've never understood why that show has been on the air as long as it has, or what the thrill is in watching Charlie Sheen play Charlie Sheen. Note to Two and a Half Men: No one cares. Sincerely, The World. LOW: What was up with the ridiculous Tron-meets-The Matrix video game theme of the giant screens onstage last night? Come on, NBC. I expect that from Fox, but not from you. HIGH: Jane Lynch wins Supporting Actress for Glee. She had this one in the bag, and her acceptance speech was humble and wonderful, thanking her parents, showrunner Ryan Murphy, and her wife. LOW: Why does Chris Meloni looks so angry all the time? Is it because Law & Order: SVU didn't get nominated for Outstanding Drama? Honestly, at this point there are enough Law & Orders on TV that they could have their own awards show. HIGH: Jeff Probst's dimples. LOW: Jim Parsons and Sofia Vergara present together onstage. One plays a theoretical physicist on Big Bang Theory, and the other one is Sofia Vergara. There's no scenario in which these two people should be standing next to each other. It's just unnatural. And they knew it, because there's no way the awkwardness of that presentation was faked. HIGH: Modern Family creators spoof Old Spice commercials: "We're on a horse." LOW: Bryan Cranston wins Outstanding Actor in a Drama Series for the THIRD YEAR IN A ROW. Seriously, Bryan, give someone else a chance for once. I'm sure your work is great and all, but like I told my mother, getting an Emmy for playing a meth dealer with cancer is like getting an Oscar for playing a disabled concentration camp survivor. It's just not fair to the other nominees. Plus, I really felt it was Hugh Laurie's year to win for House. HIGH: Archie Panjabi wins Outstanding Supporting Actress for a Drama Series for her role on The Good Wife. I've only just started watching this show, but I'm already blown away by Archie Panjabi's performance as the hardened in-house private investigator. LOW: "And the Emmy goes to...Kyra Sedgwick?" (And she makes Tina Fey hold her Emmy statue while she gives her speech!) Apparently in the Emmy business, you either win every year (like the aforementioned Cranston and fellow AMC darling and three-peat Mad Men), or you can win once for every fifth nomination, like Sedgwick. I guess her win for The Closer was overdue, but I really thought Julianna Margulies would win for her first season of The Good Wife. Maybe in four years... HIGH: Julianna Margulies presents the Bob Hope Humanitarian Award to former ER costar and onscreen love George Clooney. Did anyone not get all nostalgic watching those two reunite onstage? LOW: Sorry, miniseries and made-for-TV movies, but no one really cares. (Although, I have been meaning to watch The Pacific.) HIGH: The fact that people are still willing to risk letting Ricky Gervais perform on live television. LOW: Lost gets no Emmy love for its final stellar season. I guess it was just too complex for Emmy voters to understand its genius. HIGH: The realization that George Clooney should a) guest star on Modern Family for real, and b) marry Sofia Vergara. That's a wrap! If you haven't seen at least two of the shows I mentioned throughout this list, you have some homework to do before the Golden Globes. What a week it's been. Most shows are working their way up to May sweeps, and turning up the quality dial as we get closer to finale time. Let's recap the best and worst in (important) television this week. *WARNING: GIANT SPOILERS AHEAD*
Best Fight Scene While Handcuffed To Your Significant Other: Chuck and Sarah on Chuck - Not only are Chuck and Sarah the most adorable new couple on TV, they kick ass, even when they're handcuffed together. They're turning Chuck into a modern-day version of The Avengers and it's pretty much awesome. Double Guest Star Performance of the Week: Mike O'Malley on Glee and Parenthood - The former Yes, Dear star managed to appear on two shows this week, AND he was awesome in both of them, playing Kurt's dad on Glee and Lauren Graham's awkward-poetry-reading former flame on Parenthood. Here's hoping we see more of him on both shows. Best Rock Duo: Booth and Bones on Bones - As much as my mother might disagree, you really can't go wrong with Foreigner, and this was evidenced by Booth and Bones' reprisal of their performance of "Hot Blooded" this week when the two visited a rock 'n' roll fantasy camp for a case. Best Interpretive Dance Duo: Jules and Grayson on Cougar Town - Their well-choreographed dance to Enya's "Sail Away" involved cowboy hats and lots of wine. I'm sorry, but this show just cracks me up. Cowboy hats and Enya! Who thinks of this stuff?! Soundtrack of the Week: Cougar Town - This week's top-notch episode featured the aforementioned midnight Enya dance party, as well as one of my personal favorites, "Something Beautiful" by Needtobreathe. Best Father/Son Casting: Fred Willard as Ty Burrell's father on Modern Family - Sorry, Ty Burrell, but you are clearly adopted, because there is no way you are anyone but Fred Willard's son. The only thing more alike than their faces is their awkward and chipper senses of humor. Best Cameo by an Exotic Animal: Argus the peacock on 30 Rock - Jack's mentor/father figure Don Geiss was reincarnated into a peacock, who had surprisingly strong chemistry with Liz Lemon. The only thing that could make this funnier was Kenneth's bird impressions and extensive knowledge of peafowl. Runner-Up: Troy and Abed's goat on Community - Okay, so a goat isn't exactly what you would call "exotic," but it at least gets points for wearing a saddle/sweater-like article of clothing. Plus, it's a goat in a library. Best Drag: Will Forte on 30 Rock - Nothing could have prepared me for the image of the Will Forte dressed as Jenna (Jane Krakowski), playing a Jenna impersonator and Jenna's new boyfriend (of course). Big Reveal of the Week: Brotherly Love/Hate on The Vampire Diaries - We finally learned why Damon and Stefan don't get along in their afterlives! And, of course, the brood-justifying backstory of the brothers and how they became vampires only made Damon even more adorably wounded and likable. *Swoon* Biggest Disappointment of the Week: The Office - As much as it kills me to say it, this week's episode might have been the least funny Office ever. Of course, I still maintain this show is one of the greatest comedies of all time, I'm just saying, everyone has to have a low point, and maybe this is it for them. Best Imitation of Lost: FlashForward - Considering the majority of its (less than ample) viewers only watch the show because it's been billed as the next Lost, it seems like mimickingit might be the best move for FF. This week's episode juxtaposed present-day events with flashbacks, giving a backstory for Janis and doing an excellent impression of an episode of Lost. Joss Whedon Rip-Off of the Week: Fringe musical episode - Really, Fringe? A musical episode? Isn't it bad enough that your entire premise is essentially a snarked-up version of The X-Files? To be fair, I stopped watching Fringe after last season, so I haven't actually seen the musical episode, but I don't need to in order to know that they're trying to simultaneously copy Joss' legendary musical episode of Buffy and hitch a ride on the musical bandwagon created by Glee. Come on, Fox. A little originality wouldn't kill you. Most Exciting Wardrobe of the Week: Glee - Mercedes' hunger-induced hallucination left her seeing all her friends as food: Artie cake, Tina ice cream, a Jesse burger, and a Rachel cupcake. People dressed as foods never gets old! Retort of the Week: Stanley on The Office - This week's lackluster episode did have at least one memorable line, from Mr. Stanley Hudson. His response to an offer to participate in a minority training seminar: "I'll slap you in the face with a rainbow." Best Plaid: JT on Survivor - After his embarrassing exit, this week's episode of Survivor had the farm boy sitting pretty on the jury in a cute plaid number. Just the way we like him: adorable and silent. Best Plot-Irrelevant Robot of the Week: Troy and Abed's robot on Community - In their attempts to accomplish everything on Abed's list of quintessential college experiences, Troy and Abed (currently my favorite TV duo) created a not-so-advanced robot which had no real significance in the episode. But it was damn funny. After another satisfying week of great TV, let's discuss some of this week's winners and losers...
WARNING: There are *SPOILERS APLENTY* below this line, so be wary if you aren't up to speed on all your shows. Best Use of Poultry: Community - Only a show this amazing could make chicken fingers into a major plot point. Bonus points for referencing Goodfellas and Sixteen Candles in the same episode (not an unusual feat for Community). "Awww" Moment of the Week: Esposito introduces Castle as his "other partner" on Castle - I love the partner dynamic on this show (and on any show, really), and it was great to see some character development from the supporting cast, namely Esposito. And it's wonderful to see that Castle has been fully integrated into their little police family. All together now: "Awww..." Best Performance by a Lost Alumna on Another Show: Cynthia Watros on House - Her rivalry with House for Wilson's heart is absolutely delightful. And we just saw her on Lost last week, so she brought some residual awesomeness over to House with her. Worst Performance by a Lost Alumna on Another Show: Sonya Walger on FlashForward - It's not really her fault that her character on FF is kind of a ho (AKA the opposite of the beloved Penny) and couldn't wait, like, a month after being separated from Joseph Fiennes to hook up with that British guy from Pirates of the Caribbean. But that was last week, so my picking on her is kind of cheating. "Yeah, That's Not Going To Come Back To Bite You In The Ass" Move of the Week: Finn on Glee - Sure, Rachel lied about having sex with her boyf, but Finn lying about NOT having meaningless sex with Santana is one of those lies that will definitely return to wreak havoc later in the series. Then again, Finn isn't exactly known for his cleverness. Achievement in Idiocy Award of the Week: JT on Survivor - Oh, JT... I used to think you were a great player, but why do you insist on so blindly trusting Russell, (arguably) the most untrustworthy player in the history of the game? Fortunately, JT looks like the lovechild of Matthew McConaughey and George Clooney, and he has a southern accent, so he'll be okay in life...just not in Survivor. Awesome Cameo of the Week: Will Ferrell on 30 Rock - His three-second-long guest spot as the star of the fictional show Bitch Hunter was hysterical. WTF Guest Appearance of the Week: Faith Hill on Project Runway - Why is the waning country star the guest judge in the finale of Project Runway? I mean, I get it, she wears fashion, but this is the finale, people. Couldn't we find someone who wasn't on the Worst Dressed list at the Oscars this year? "Oh No They Didn't" Moment of the Week: Kurt and Mercedes join the Cheerios on Glee - Ouch. The sting of the defection of these two queens of sass to the Dark Side was worse than any slushie facial. But they do have a point: their vast talents are somewhat underutilized in the Glee Club, so maybe it's not wrong of them to want to do both. Best Star Wars Reference: Hurley on Lost - He made an excellent argument that someone can be brought back from the Dark Side, citing Anakin as an example (albeit a flimsy one). Sawyer apparently hasn't seen the prequels because he responded, "Who the hell is Anakin?" Oh, Sawyer... You're adorable when you're snarky. Best Made-Up Word of the Week: "Innovent," Jack on 30 Rock - Invent + innovate = innovent. The word is so perfect, it embodies itself. It is innovention. This word also applies to 30 Rock as a whole, which gets more hilariously innoventive each week. Worst Made-Up Word of the Week: "Marooders," Damien on Parenthood - His brutalization of the word "marauders" was almost as sad as it was funny. His girlfriend Egg, I mean Ann, I mean Amber (Mae Whitman from Arrested Development) seemed appropriately amused and concerned by his faux pas. Surprising Voice of Reason of the Week: Rupert on Survivor - So far this season, Rupert has pretty much been a lazy, obnoxious load of dead weight on the Heroes tribe, but this week's merge left the once-lovable pirate the only Hero with his head on straight. While JT was busy vying for the title of Dumbest Survivor Ever, Rupert was trying to convince him that Evil Russell was playing them (shocker!). Runner-Up: Damon on The Vampire Diaries - You know you're in trouble when the evil brother is the one most in-control of his homicidal tendencies. Corny, Scene-Ruining Line of the Week: "Looks like someone got their voice back" -Lapidus on Lost - Yes, this line almost negated all the warm-and-fuzzies we were feeling at the long-awaited reunion of Jin and Sun, but we forgive Lapidus because last season he had one of the greatest lines in the history of Lost: "We're not going to Guam, are we?" It's November! (Much like it was last week, but now we can actually get excited about it.) Which means it's time for November sweeps. Cue the awesome guest stars (Ed Norton and Elizabeth Banks on 'Modern Family' next week- mark your calendars) and ridiculously enticing plot twists. (Pregnancies! Three-ways! Ghosts! Oh my!) So here goes:
1.) 'Glee' finally gives Artie some screen time. This week's episode "Wheels" focused on the wheelchair-bound crooner and also featured pot cupcakes and a diva-off between Kurt and Rachel. AND it revealed that the formerly-evil Sue Sylvester has a soul! *GASP!* Did not see that coming. This episode also featured one of my favorite songs they've done so far: "Defying Gravity" from 'Wicked.' Looking back on it, I don't really know how they managed to fit all this into one hour of television. Skills. 2.) This commercial for Volvo. No, seriously. This is a real, live commercial, not some fan-made video mash-up. I am so amused by the fact that Volvo is actually going so far as to use clips from 'New Moon' to promote their cars. Maybe they should change their slogan to "Sparkly vampires drive Volvos. You should too." 3.) 'Survivor': Finally this lame season is getting interesting. Before the merge it was just a bunch of really stupid people getting wet and complaining (and occasionally putting other people's socks in the fire). Now it's down to ten stupid people who have idiotically named their new tribe "Aiga" for some stupid reason. But this week, Russell used his second "hidden" immunity idol. (Which he found, again, without any clues. Seriously, Mark Burnett? The giant hollow tree? A six-year-old could've found that without your stupid haiku clues.) Even though I'm pretty convinced Russell is the most evil person to have ever played the game of 'Survivor' (and that's saying something), it's still entertaining to watch him pull one over the obnoxiously cocky former Galu tribe members. 4.) Jones' Cheap Ass Prepaid Legal and Daycare. Hilarious. 5.) 'So You Think You Can Dance': I honestly couldn't tell you how I started watching this wannabe-'American Idol' dance competition show. (I think it had something to do with the fact that there's nothing else to watch on Tuesday nights.) I used to scoff at its stupidity, as well as the general idiocy of all dance-related reality shows. Now I just stick to insulting 'Dancing With the Stars,' which I legitimately think is 100% stupid. I mean, really, people, it's just an excuse for any has-been who can keep time to waste another few hours of your life. I'm talking to you, Donny Osmond. Pop culture is done with you. Please go away now. Meanwhile, SYTYCD follows the 'American Idol' formula of judges: one vain, sometimes-too-honest Brit, one certifiably insane female judge who probably has more than one substance abuse problem (she makes Paula Abdul look like the portrait of sanity), and a third generally neutral judge that no one really cares about. This past week, we got to see Nigel Thornberry- I mean Lythgoe- chastise an 18-year-old for being "immature." Come on, Nigel. We all know your ego is delicate but there's no need to verbally assault the kid for trying to appeal to his fans. Wow, now that I'm realizing how much I've written about SYTYCD I have to go drown in my own shame. *Honorable Mention: Tim Gunn bakes cookies on 'Project Runway.' Tim Gunn in an adorable apron was enough to save this otherwise-boring pre-finale episode. Top 5 is cancelled this week on account of the New York Yankees (AKA Devil Spawn) winning the World Series. (Again.) That being said, who watched 'FlashForward' this week?
1.) 'FlashForward' gets awesome: I was still dubious about this new ensemble drama until I saw this week's episode. "OMG" doesn't even begin to cover it. I laughed, I cried, I gasped, and I loved every minute of it. Gotta say, I think one of the reasons I liked this week's ep so much was because it didn't focus so much on the semi-boring Joseph Fiennes/Sonya Walger "I'm-mad-because-you-cheat-on-me-in-the-future" story line and instead we got to see more of the adorably troubled John Cho and Lee Thompson Young's biceps. The scene where he's cooking in just a wife beater made the episode for me. And made me want to run out and buy every season of 'The Famous Jett Jackson.' 2.) Megan Mullally on 'Parks & Recreation': The former 'Will & Grace' star (you know, the one with the really high-pitched voice and the drinking problem? On the show, I mean) made a hilarious guest appearance as Ron's manipulative ex-wife on this week's episode. Even funnier than the love/hate relationship between her and Ron was the intensely hostile rivalry between the parks department and the library department. Also, this quote: "Is part of your mustache missing?" 3.) 'Glee' soundtrack, volume one: This week the first album of songs from 'Glee' was released. Fox will celebrate by swimming around in a pool of money à la Scrooge McDuck. They deserve to revel in their victory after finding a way to make oodles and oodles of money without giving a shit about ratings while simultaneously making a show that is actually good. Also, why didn't anyone tell about the song "Defying Gravity" from Wicked? Come on, people. It's your job to keep me posted on these things. That song is awesome, and I am only just now being introduced to it. 4.) Fabio and Stefan reunite on 'Top Chef: All-Stars Dinner,' rekindle their adorable European bromance: Chaos ensues. Note to Bravo: Too much of that mean redheaded chick and Hung, not enough Fabio and Stefan lovin'. Also, Bravo, I have a suggestion for a new show: a dating show starring Stefan and a group of ten or twenty lesbians. (He certainly seems to have a type, and they are sadly not into men.) I would watch. Oh, and next time there's a reunion special, don't invite the whiney, foam-obsessed Marcel. He's annoying and creepy 5.) The series premiere of 'V': Aliens are invading your television! But it's okay- they're all attractive. Phew. Not having seen the original 'V' from the 80s (I know, I'm a terrible person, but I wasn't born yet so cry me a river) I can't make a comparison to the reboot, but I was pretty impressed with it, and even more impressed that people actually watched it (14 million people, to be precise). I'm used to getting sucked into sci-fi shows only to have them prematurely cancelled with little or no closure (cough, 'Firefly,' cough), so I am still in a state of shock over the success of 'V.' Although, I can't help but worry that 'V' is going down the same path as 'Firefly' seeing as *SPOILER* they totally killed off Alan Tudyk in the pilot, which 'Firefly' at least waited a season to do. *END OF SPOILER ALERT* |