1) It's a photo of Miley Cyrus and Bret Michaels. To be fair, if it were a photo of just one of those two "celebrities" it would still be wrong. But a picture of both of them together is like the Mona Lisa of white trash. She is a seventeen-year-old Disney-tween-sensation-turned-underage-wild-child, and he is... Well, he's Bret Michaels, what more is there to say really? He's a 47-year-old has-been rocker who spent three seasons of a reality show (one of which took place on a tour bus) trying to find "The One," while really just spreading a myriad of STDs and giving some lovely aspiring "actresses" their chance to make it big. Oh, and I'm pretty sure he wears that ridiculous bandanna to keep his wig on. Who are you kidding, Bret? No 47-year-old man has golden locks like that.
2) One word: Rhinestones. I'm sorry, but unless it's Halloween or you're in a Whitesnake video (and that opens up a whole new mess of problems), there is no excuse for wearing these cowboy hats. We get it, you're trashy. There's no need to hit us over the head with it. Your life choices say it all.
3) Did I mention she is 17 and he is 47? Although there is nothing technically illegal about posing in a photo (albeit one of questionable taste) with a fully-clothed minor, the image is just plain unsettling. After Miley's little foray into pole dancing at last year's Teen Choice Awards and her recent tattoo located under her left breast, I can't help but wonder if she's trying to garner a spot on the inevitable next season of Michaels' Rock of Love. I'm not gonna lie, if I had to choose a babysitter between Miley and Lindsay Lohan at this point, I'm going with the cokehead, hands down. At least Lindsay can sing. Yeah, I said it.
4) The unfortunate truth that this photo represents: Miley and Bret Michaels' artistic collaboration. Apparently he helped produce her cover of his song "Every Rose Has Its Thorn." (By the way, Bret, this photo makes me grateful that roses have thorns because it gives me something sharp with which to gouge out my eyeballs.) Miley also sang back-up on Michaels' new song. (Is anyone else confused as to why he is still allowed to create music? Someone needs to nip that in the bud.) To be honest, I'm really not sure who is supposed to be helping the other's career in this equation. Is her more-contemporary-but-still-undeserved fame giving him the media attention he thirsts for but lacks the talent and/or relevance to achieve? Or is his supposed "rock star" status meant to launch Miley from tween pop star to mainstream rock? Either way, I think their combined idiocy, classlessness, and general ickiness will ultimately drag them both down into their tangled mess of hair extensions, venereal diseases, and fake eyelashes. (His or hers? You decide.)