What did we learn on TV this week? Well, we learned some valuable life advice from Raising Hope: Don't piss off the guys who's not afraid to pick dead birds out of the pool. On How I Met Your Mother, we learned that the concept of "dibs" was invented by Sir Walter Dibs. This week's Bones taught us that, a) Brennan is the person you want by your side when you come upon a group of armed guerillas (who knew she could wield a shovel like that?), and b) fleas have faster reflexes than any jungle cat. Chuck taught us, "don't mess with a repo man." From Parenthood, we got a lesson on playdate etiquette and the surprising complexities of kindergarten politics. And even though we kind of already knew this, The Vampire Diaries reinforced the law of supernature (is that the noun form of supernatural?) that where there are vampires, there must also be werewolves. All in all it was a very educational week of television. Here's a brief (not really) overview of everything I have deemed worthy of your time (be warned, my standards are not tremendously high).
0 Comments
It's May, and you know what that means: Sex! Death! Excessive guest stars! Expect an extra dose of excitement on your favorite shows in the coming weeks, as sweeps are upon us.
*WARNING* SPOILERS AHOY! Seriously, don't keep reading if you aren't caught up on the most recent week of television. Best Karaoke Performance of the Week: House, Chase, and Foreman on House - Watching this unlikely trio sing "Midnight Train to Georgia" was one of my favorite moments of this show to date. Who knew that, in addition to being ridiculously attractive and having an adorable accent, Chase can actually sing! Sometimes life just isn't fair for the rest of us. WTF Guest Appearance of the Week: Buzz Aldrin on 30 Rock - Frankly, I was a little disappointed by the former astronaut's appearance on 30 Rock as Liz's mother's coulda-been husband. I guess the yelling-at-the-moon bit was mildly amusing, but I would much rather they have poked fun at his recent stint on Dancing With the Stars. Best Fake Mustaches: Travis, Bobby, and Andy on Cougar Town - It's the pure randomness of this show that delights me so much. As long as these guys keep pulling shenanigans like this (and adding new rules to Penny Can), I'll keep watching. Most Mind-Blowing, Bawl-Inducing Episode Possibly in the History of Television (Excluding Joss Whedon Shows): "The Candidate," Lost - Now that was an intense hour of television. This week's episode included three significant and heart-wrenching deaths, and as much as it killed me (no pun intended...really) to see some beloved characters bite the dust, their deaths could not have been more fitting or more poignant. Not to mention the Sideways World Jack/Locke story was pure brilliance, painting them both as broken men trying to let go of the past. Most Awesome Rendition of "Total Eclipse of the Heart" Possibly in the History of Music: The cast of Glee - When you take a song as over-the-top as "Total Eclipse of the Heart" and put it in a show like Glee, that really knows how to make fun of its own over-the-top-ness, there's no accounting for the explosion of awesomeness that will result. "Turn around briiiiight eyyyyyyes!" Best Swipe at Glee: Jeff Winger on Community - This week's hilarious episode of Community parodied every dystopian, battle-for-earth action movie made in the last thirty years. The study group's biggest rivals in the apocalyptic paintball war were their community college's Glee Club. As the enemies were singing "Hit Me With Your Best Shot," Jeff shouted at them, "Write some original songs!" These clever shots at other shows are one of the reasons Community is starting to remind me more of 30 Rock every week. Most Veronica Mars Alumni Guest Starring in One Episode: Castle - Oh, how I've missed seeing Max Greenfield (Leo) and Julie Gonzalo (Parker) on my television since the unjust demise of Veronica Mars... Featuring two VM alum is enough to make any episode of any show more than great (except maybe Two and a Half Men- there's no saving that train wreck), but throw in Rocco DiSpirito, molecular gastronomy, and a hidden engagement ring, and you've got yourself a top-notch episode. Best Non-Veronica Mars Guest Stars: Swoosie Kurtz and Fred Willard on Chuck - If Fred Willard keeps up this guest star streak (last week he was on Modern Family), I really don't think I'll ever get tired of him. Paired with the perfectly prickly Swoosie Kurtz (you might know her from Pushing Daisies or Lost), the two played a jaded CIA spy couple who give Chuck and Sarah a sobering glimpse of what their future could be. Best Chuck Norris Impression: Frank Lapidus, Lost - Sawyer said it best last week when he said Lapidus "looks like he stepped off the set of a Burt Reynolds movie," and this week's episode only further enforced that impression of the scruffy pilot. While the castaways were trapped in the Hydra cages during the Smoke Monster attack, Lapidus took the proactive approach and began trying to kick open the door of his cage. Then Jack ruined all the fun by showing up and opening the cage door with the guard's key. Lame. Best Immunity Idol Ruse: Rupert on Survivor - As much as it kills me to say it, Rupert has really been annoying me this season, but this week he's starting to win back the lovability he once owned back in his original season (in which he was voted Fan Favorite). When he realized he was on the chopping block (because he was bold enough to try to reveal Russell's truly evil nature), he used his resources (namely, a rock) and his brain (a tool that has been underutilized by many Survivors lately) and came up with a plan. Creating a suspicious bulge in his pocket with the rock, he made it appear as if he had found the hidden immunity idol, thus leading Russell the Troll-Man to split the Villains' votes, saving Rupert from the wrath of Russell. Role-Reversal of the Week: Sawyer and Jack on Lost - This Freaky Friday moment has been at least a season and a half in the making, but this week's episode left Sawyer in exactly the same position Jack was in at the end of season five. His lack of faith and his determination to be the hero led him to make a bad decision that got other people killed. The good news? New Zen Jack is three for three this season in terms of his loony, death-cheating "plans." (Calling Dogen's poison-pill bluff, his little dynamite standoff with Richard Alpert, and now it looks like he was right to think that the bomb wouldn't have gone off without Sawyer's attempt to disarm it.) The moral of the story? Jack is back. Best Spin Class Instructor: Dwight on The Office - Dwight was in peak form this week, tailing Michael's new girlfriend at the gym and attempting to seduce her to test her loyalty (naturally). In the last scene, Dwight is taking a spin class, or, more accurately, taking over a spin class. As the instructor directs them to cool down as they approach a gentle hill, Dwight shouts, "No! The hill is a trap! Let's take the dirt road off to the side!" Did Dwight miss his calling as a spin class instructor? Best Fake Church Name: Our Lady of Reluctant Immigration, 30 Rock - It makes total sense that Jack's hardass Irish-American mother would play Bingo at a church with such a ridiculously xenophobic name, and it really does roll right off the tongue. How I Met Your Mother Reference of the Week: Damon on The Vampire Diaries - Almost as good as Andy's mention of the CBS sitcom on The Office a few weeks ago was Damon's passing comment on how Stefan (who is very in tune with his humanity, unlike most vampires) "wants to feel every episode of How I Met Your Mother." Way to be relevant, HIMYM! Best Torso: It's a tie between Jeff (Joel McHale) on Community and Damon (Ian Somerhalder) on The Vampire Diaries - Is it just me, or does the amount of semi-nudity on TV go up during May sweeps? I guess it makes sense. You know what they say: April plot devices bring May hook-ups. What a week it's been. Most shows are working their way up to May sweeps, and turning up the quality dial as we get closer to finale time. Let's recap the best and worst in (important) television this week. *WARNING: GIANT SPOILERS AHEAD*
Best Fight Scene While Handcuffed To Your Significant Other: Chuck and Sarah on Chuck - Not only are Chuck and Sarah the most adorable new couple on TV, they kick ass, even when they're handcuffed together. They're turning Chuck into a modern-day version of The Avengers and it's pretty much awesome. Double Guest Star Performance of the Week: Mike O'Malley on Glee and Parenthood - The former Yes, Dear star managed to appear on two shows this week, AND he was awesome in both of them, playing Kurt's dad on Glee and Lauren Graham's awkward-poetry-reading former flame on Parenthood. Here's hoping we see more of him on both shows. Best Rock Duo: Booth and Bones on Bones - As much as my mother might disagree, you really can't go wrong with Foreigner, and this was evidenced by Booth and Bones' reprisal of their performance of "Hot Blooded" this week when the two visited a rock 'n' roll fantasy camp for a case. Best Interpretive Dance Duo: Jules and Grayson on Cougar Town - Their well-choreographed dance to Enya's "Sail Away" involved cowboy hats and lots of wine. I'm sorry, but this show just cracks me up. Cowboy hats and Enya! Who thinks of this stuff?! Soundtrack of the Week: Cougar Town - This week's top-notch episode featured the aforementioned midnight Enya dance party, as well as one of my personal favorites, "Something Beautiful" by Needtobreathe. Best Father/Son Casting: Fred Willard as Ty Burrell's father on Modern Family - Sorry, Ty Burrell, but you are clearly adopted, because there is no way you are anyone but Fred Willard's son. The only thing more alike than their faces is their awkward and chipper senses of humor. Best Cameo by an Exotic Animal: Argus the peacock on 30 Rock - Jack's mentor/father figure Don Geiss was reincarnated into a peacock, who had surprisingly strong chemistry with Liz Lemon. The only thing that could make this funnier was Kenneth's bird impressions and extensive knowledge of peafowl. Runner-Up: Troy and Abed's goat on Community - Okay, so a goat isn't exactly what you would call "exotic," but it at least gets points for wearing a saddle/sweater-like article of clothing. Plus, it's a goat in a library. Best Drag: Will Forte on 30 Rock - Nothing could have prepared me for the image of the Will Forte dressed as Jenna (Jane Krakowski), playing a Jenna impersonator and Jenna's new boyfriend (of course). Big Reveal of the Week: Brotherly Love/Hate on The Vampire Diaries - We finally learned why Damon and Stefan don't get along in their afterlives! And, of course, the brood-justifying backstory of the brothers and how they became vampires only made Damon even more adorably wounded and likable. *Swoon* Biggest Disappointment of the Week: The Office - As much as it kills me to say it, this week's episode might have been the least funny Office ever. Of course, I still maintain this show is one of the greatest comedies of all time, I'm just saying, everyone has to have a low point, and maybe this is it for them. Best Imitation of Lost: FlashForward - Considering the majority of its (less than ample) viewers only watch the show because it's been billed as the next Lost, it seems like mimickingit might be the best move for FF. This week's episode juxtaposed present-day events with flashbacks, giving a backstory for Janis and doing an excellent impression of an episode of Lost. Joss Whedon Rip-Off of the Week: Fringe musical episode - Really, Fringe? A musical episode? Isn't it bad enough that your entire premise is essentially a snarked-up version of The X-Files? To be fair, I stopped watching Fringe after last season, so I haven't actually seen the musical episode, but I don't need to in order to know that they're trying to simultaneously copy Joss' legendary musical episode of Buffy and hitch a ride on the musical bandwagon created by Glee. Come on, Fox. A little originality wouldn't kill you. Most Exciting Wardrobe of the Week: Glee - Mercedes' hunger-induced hallucination left her seeing all her friends as food: Artie cake, Tina ice cream, a Jesse burger, and a Rachel cupcake. People dressed as foods never gets old! Retort of the Week: Stanley on The Office - This week's lackluster episode did have at least one memorable line, from Mr. Stanley Hudson. His response to an offer to participate in a minority training seminar: "I'll slap you in the face with a rainbow." Best Plaid: JT on Survivor - After his embarrassing exit, this week's episode of Survivor had the farm boy sitting pretty on the jury in a cute plaid number. Just the way we like him: adorable and silent. Best Plot-Irrelevant Robot of the Week: Troy and Abed's robot on Community - In their attempts to accomplish everything on Abed's list of quintessential college experiences, Troy and Abed (currently my favorite TV duo) created a not-so-advanced robot which had no real significance in the episode. But it was damn funny. After another satisfying week of great TV, let's discuss some of this week's winners and losers...
WARNING: There are *SPOILERS APLENTY* below this line, so be wary if you aren't up to speed on all your shows. Best Use of Poultry: Community - Only a show this amazing could make chicken fingers into a major plot point. Bonus points for referencing Goodfellas and Sixteen Candles in the same episode (not an unusual feat for Community). "Awww" Moment of the Week: Esposito introduces Castle as his "other partner" on Castle - I love the partner dynamic on this show (and on any show, really), and it was great to see some character development from the supporting cast, namely Esposito. And it's wonderful to see that Castle has been fully integrated into their little police family. All together now: "Awww..." Best Performance by a Lost Alumna on Another Show: Cynthia Watros on House - Her rivalry with House for Wilson's heart is absolutely delightful. And we just saw her on Lost last week, so she brought some residual awesomeness over to House with her. Worst Performance by a Lost Alumna on Another Show: Sonya Walger on FlashForward - It's not really her fault that her character on FF is kind of a ho (AKA the opposite of the beloved Penny) and couldn't wait, like, a month after being separated from Joseph Fiennes to hook up with that British guy from Pirates of the Caribbean. But that was last week, so my picking on her is kind of cheating. "Yeah, That's Not Going To Come Back To Bite You In The Ass" Move of the Week: Finn on Glee - Sure, Rachel lied about having sex with her boyf, but Finn lying about NOT having meaningless sex with Santana is one of those lies that will definitely return to wreak havoc later in the series. Then again, Finn isn't exactly known for his cleverness. Achievement in Idiocy Award of the Week: JT on Survivor - Oh, JT... I used to think you were a great player, but why do you insist on so blindly trusting Russell, (arguably) the most untrustworthy player in the history of the game? Fortunately, JT looks like the lovechild of Matthew McConaughey and George Clooney, and he has a southern accent, so he'll be okay in life...just not in Survivor. Awesome Cameo of the Week: Will Ferrell on 30 Rock - His three-second-long guest spot as the star of the fictional show Bitch Hunter was hysterical. WTF Guest Appearance of the Week: Faith Hill on Project Runway - Why is the waning country star the guest judge in the finale of Project Runway? I mean, I get it, she wears fashion, but this is the finale, people. Couldn't we find someone who wasn't on the Worst Dressed list at the Oscars this year? "Oh No They Didn't" Moment of the Week: Kurt and Mercedes join the Cheerios on Glee - Ouch. The sting of the defection of these two queens of sass to the Dark Side was worse than any slushie facial. But they do have a point: their vast talents are somewhat underutilized in the Glee Club, so maybe it's not wrong of them to want to do both. Best Star Wars Reference: Hurley on Lost - He made an excellent argument that someone can be brought back from the Dark Side, citing Anakin as an example (albeit a flimsy one). Sawyer apparently hasn't seen the prequels because he responded, "Who the hell is Anakin?" Oh, Sawyer... You're adorable when you're snarky. Best Made-Up Word of the Week: "Innovent," Jack on 30 Rock - Invent + innovate = innovent. The word is so perfect, it embodies itself. It is innovention. This word also applies to 30 Rock as a whole, which gets more hilariously innoventive each week. Worst Made-Up Word of the Week: "Marooders," Damien on Parenthood - His brutalization of the word "marauders" was almost as sad as it was funny. His girlfriend Egg, I mean Ann, I mean Amber (Mae Whitman from Arrested Development) seemed appropriately amused and concerned by his faux pas. Surprising Voice of Reason of the Week: Rupert on Survivor - So far this season, Rupert has pretty much been a lazy, obnoxious load of dead weight on the Heroes tribe, but this week's merge left the once-lovable pirate the only Hero with his head on straight. While JT was busy vying for the title of Dumbest Survivor Ever, Rupert was trying to convince him that Evil Russell was playing them (shocker!). Runner-Up: Damon on The Vampire Diaries - You know you're in trouble when the evil brother is the one most in-control of his homicidal tendencies. Corny, Scene-Ruining Line of the Week: "Looks like someone got their voice back" -Lapidus on Lost - Yes, this line almost negated all the warm-and-fuzzies we were feeling at the long-awaited reunion of Jin and Sun, but we forgive Lapidus because last season he had one of the greatest lines in the history of Lost: "We're not going to Guam, are we?" It's November! (Much like it was last week, but now we can actually get excited about it.) Which means it's time for November sweeps. Cue the awesome guest stars (Ed Norton and Elizabeth Banks on 'Modern Family' next week- mark your calendars) and ridiculously enticing plot twists. (Pregnancies! Three-ways! Ghosts! Oh my!) So here goes:
1.) 'Glee' finally gives Artie some screen time. This week's episode "Wheels" focused on the wheelchair-bound crooner and also featured pot cupcakes and a diva-off between Kurt and Rachel. AND it revealed that the formerly-evil Sue Sylvester has a soul! *GASP!* Did not see that coming. This episode also featured one of my favorite songs they've done so far: "Defying Gravity" from 'Wicked.' Looking back on it, I don't really know how they managed to fit all this into one hour of television. Skills. 2.) This commercial for Volvo. No, seriously. This is a real, live commercial, not some fan-made video mash-up. I am so amused by the fact that Volvo is actually going so far as to use clips from 'New Moon' to promote their cars. Maybe they should change their slogan to "Sparkly vampires drive Volvos. You should too." 3.) 'Survivor': Finally this lame season is getting interesting. Before the merge it was just a bunch of really stupid people getting wet and complaining (and occasionally putting other people's socks in the fire). Now it's down to ten stupid people who have idiotically named their new tribe "Aiga" for some stupid reason. But this week, Russell used his second "hidden" immunity idol. (Which he found, again, without any clues. Seriously, Mark Burnett? The giant hollow tree? A six-year-old could've found that without your stupid haiku clues.) Even though I'm pretty convinced Russell is the most evil person to have ever played the game of 'Survivor' (and that's saying something), it's still entertaining to watch him pull one over the obnoxiously cocky former Galu tribe members. 4.) Jones' Cheap Ass Prepaid Legal and Daycare. Hilarious. 5.) 'So You Think You Can Dance': I honestly couldn't tell you how I started watching this wannabe-'American Idol' dance competition show. (I think it had something to do with the fact that there's nothing else to watch on Tuesday nights.) I used to scoff at its stupidity, as well as the general idiocy of all dance-related reality shows. Now I just stick to insulting 'Dancing With the Stars,' which I legitimately think is 100% stupid. I mean, really, people, it's just an excuse for any has-been who can keep time to waste another few hours of your life. I'm talking to you, Donny Osmond. Pop culture is done with you. Please go away now. Meanwhile, SYTYCD follows the 'American Idol' formula of judges: one vain, sometimes-too-honest Brit, one certifiably insane female judge who probably has more than one substance abuse problem (she makes Paula Abdul look like the portrait of sanity), and a third generally neutral judge that no one really cares about. This past week, we got to see Nigel Thornberry- I mean Lythgoe- chastise an 18-year-old for being "immature." Come on, Nigel. We all know your ego is delicate but there's no need to verbally assault the kid for trying to appeal to his fans. Wow, now that I'm realizing how much I've written about SYTYCD I have to go drown in my own shame. *Honorable Mention: Tim Gunn bakes cookies on 'Project Runway.' Tim Gunn in an adorable apron was enough to save this otherwise-boring pre-finale episode. |